Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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