I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm getting married
To pizza
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
