apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
