Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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