I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
