My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
