I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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