How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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