I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
