Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
