i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
