In the future we'll all be gay
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
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I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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