I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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