Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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