So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
