GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
