so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
