It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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