Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
