I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
