I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
