We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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