Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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