There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
