Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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