he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
