yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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