you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
