Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
