and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
