Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
