i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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