Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
