Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
did i walk over a car last night?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
