hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
