Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
