You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A bitchslap is in order.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
