this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They took my balls.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize