That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
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Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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