Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
