Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
