I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
