Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
