I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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