I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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