Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
