I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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