Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
