i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
