My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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