I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
