if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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