at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
