Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
