He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So squirting runs in the family.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
