why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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