too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
