you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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