Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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