I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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