also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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