I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize